My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
