her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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