shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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