Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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