He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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