We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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