I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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