some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
