We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
