a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
