sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this boner is exhausting
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
