fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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