I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
