tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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