is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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