ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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