I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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