I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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