when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
