Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
