She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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