Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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