I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
