Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize