Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
