Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
