Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
