Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
