he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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