I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
