he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
