Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
