you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
