I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
