Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
