I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So much Jack, so little girl.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
God I need to hump something, right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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