it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
