Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize