I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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