anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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