hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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