So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
