Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
