the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
