You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
