I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
