i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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