I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
