Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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