God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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