chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
