am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
