is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
