i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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