My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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