My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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